How To Break Up With Your Therapist (The Right Way)
There are generally two reasons you might feel the need to end your relationship with your therapist:
You are not meshing well and would like to explore other therapists who might better align with what you want.
Or
You feel as though you’ve reached your goals and are ready to end services.
You aren’t vibing with your therapist
First off, let me take a moment to validate that this is a challenging thing to navigate. It’s not easy. The idea of this conversation may feel awkward or strange, but trust me, this is actually a very normal part of beginning therapy. You review many therapists and hope you find the right one. Sometimes you just need to find someone who approaches therapy differently.
When it comes to taking steps to ending therapy with a therapist, most therapists are seeking honesty and communication when handling situations like this. Let’s be real, ghosting a provider feels like the easiest option. In the immediate, it may be. However, therapists are often well connected among other therapists who may specialize in couples therapy or have immediate openings. It often can be advantageous to say something like the following,
“I’ve been reflecting on our work together and feel as though I may need to look for a therapist who specializes in../acts more../helps with.. Thank you for the work we did, but I’m going to discontinue sessions. Do you have anyone in your network who may be a fit for what I’m looking for?”
I can feel the shiver that went down your spine reading that. It’s an honest message that leans into a healthy conversation about what you are looking for. That can be really challenging to do. Take a few deep breaths, and remember that prioritizing a good fit is vital to your therapy journey.
2. You feel you are reaching the end of your work together and are ready to scale back or end therapy
First off, congratulations for getting here. This is a huge accomplishment in your healing journey to reach this point where you feel ready to step away from a season of therapy. Maybe you finished working through conflict resolution skills, recovery from infidelity, or processing through some of the heaviest things you carry around each day. This. Is. Incredible. AND it actually is the whole point! Therapists want to see their clients succeed and this is the mountaintop.
That being said, this can often be a confusing point in the therapeutic journey because you’ve seen the fruits of your labor. You might wonder, am I really ready to stop coming? What if things go south when I stop coming? This is totally normal to question. You’ve been doing something consistently and it has seemingly paid off. What I typically recommend is to test out the waters first.
Begin by communicating with your therapist about your goals and how you are feeling. Ask if trying to space out appointments to once per month for a few months would be okay to try out. This is a great indicator of if you are ready to discontinue services or if you just had a few good weeks but maybe could benefit from a few more consistent sessions.
All in all, my hope is that you see that a little bit of clear communication goes a long way with your therapist. Remember they are here to be a safe space for you to work through the hard things, whether that be in individual or couples therapy. My hope is that you find a therapist who you feel you can connect with and trust with the hard things.
Kevin Feamster is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist serving couples and individuals in the Oklahoma City Metro. If you are interested in seeing if we would work well together, click the link below to reach out.
